Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
