the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
