I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
