that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You left your phone here
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