You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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