just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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