I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
