Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize