but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
im holly from the hills drunk
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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