I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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