I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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