If that was your dad, he is hot
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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