idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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