If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's shark week go big or go home
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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