Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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