"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
