I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
