Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
