Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
