yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
