There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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