Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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