mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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