So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
