He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just invented taco cereal.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
the liver wants what the liver wants
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
