Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
