are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i want to swaddle you in tequila
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
