He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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