dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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