I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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