The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
