Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
