My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
