Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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