Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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