we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
