I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
