Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
they need to just BURY HIM!
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
