Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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