piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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