SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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