I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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