i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize