Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
