I didn't shave. On purpose
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Randomize