Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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