So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
