I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
