Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
