This girl is more easily done than said...
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
