Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
