my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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