Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
