I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
