I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
