Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Found the puke drawer
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
