I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
