If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
