You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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