I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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