I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
