i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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