I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
