She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
