were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
