I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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