Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
